Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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