What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
