Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
His hands were made for my vagina.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
