sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
