I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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