He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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