I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
