In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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