The maid of honor just puked.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
