you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
smell my finger.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
