Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
