so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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