She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
