i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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