you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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