Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
