I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he shaved USA in his pubs
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
