I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
