Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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