I feel great
I just peed on a car
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
