I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
