so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
