I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
