there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
