i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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