They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
