Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
