I must be too annoying 4 u.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
