i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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