It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
