i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
