Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
