I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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