So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
