I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
