The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he was CRYING into my vagina
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
