we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
