My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
