Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
