So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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