Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
