Sry I called you an 8
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
