if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
