who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
