so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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