I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
