Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
