I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
