Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
