he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
