just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
nutella sex= disaster
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My dick has a subreddit
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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