All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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