Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
