So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
