I want to stick my p in your. b.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
