i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
