Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize