i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
