I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize