Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
