I showed him my bush... on skype.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Boobs are out for the taking
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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